LANGLEY, VA — In what intelligence officials are calling "a minor oversight," sources confirmed Monday that thousands of CIA operatives have been dutifully submitting their liability insurance claims to Chinese government-connected entities since 2015, often including detailed descriptions of workplace injuries sustained during covert operations.
"We just thought the customer service got really good all of a sudden," said one active field agent who requested anonymity, referring to the suspiciously quick claim approvals and follow-up emails asking for additional details about assignment locations. "They were so thorough—always wanted to know exactly where we were when the incident occurred, who we were with, what we were doing. Really went above and beyond."
The discovery came to light when Special Agent Marcus Chen noticed his insurance paperwork had begun arriving with a Mandarin translation on the back, which he initially assumed was "just good business practice in our globalized economy."
CIA Director [REDACTED] downplayed concerns at a press conference, noting that the agency had "absolutely no reason to suspect anything was amiss" when the insurance company started offering complementary Mandarin classes to policyholders and began sponsoring the agency's annual picnic.
"In hindsight, yes, the customer service representatives' intimate knowledge of our organizational structure was a red flag," the Director admitted. "As was the fact that they could correctly guess our mission parameters before we filed claims. We just thought they were really good at their jobs."
The insurance company's parent firm, Fosun Group, reportedly provided exemplary service throughout the period, with claim processing times dropping from six weeks to mere hours, and approval rates reaching an unprecedented 99.8%. Several agents noted that their claims adjusters seemed "oddly fascinated" by routine paperwork injuries, often following up multiple times to ask clarifying questions about the geopolitical implications of their paper cuts.
"They once asked me to rate my satisfaction with the quality of local intelligence assets in my region," recalled another operative. "I gave them a 7 out of 10. Really felt heard as a customer."
Treasury officials confirmed that the sale was "totally legal and very cool" at the time, noting that investment screening protocols have since been updated to include a new checkbox asking potential foreign buyers if they pinky-promise not to be a strategic geopolitical rival.
When reached for comment, a Fosun Group representative thanked the CIA for their business over the years and noted that all customer service recordings had been "carefully archived for quality assurance purposes."
At press time, sources confirmed that the CIA had switched to a new insurance provider after doing "like, 30 seconds of Googling this time."